CrapCo Corp. Inc.

The Industry Leader in Corporate Mendacity since 1995

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Helping Michael Moore

If there was any doubt in anyone’s mind that the CEO at CrapCo, Raoul Adams had lost any clout during his extended hiatus in Pensacola Florida the email he received last week should clear up those lingering concerns.

World famous film producer Michael Moore personally sent Mr. Adams an email requesting information about “the abuses” that have been occuring recently in the financial sector. It read in part…

“I am in the middle of shooting my next movie and I am looking for a few brave people who work on Wall Street or in the financial industry to come forward and share with me what they know. Based on those who have already contacted me, I believe there are a number of you who know “the real deal” about the abuses that have been happening. You have information that the American people need to hear.”

Not to sound arrogant but just stating the facts (as Mr. Moore is obviously well aware) there are few people as familiar with all the dirty tricks, underhanded cons , semi legal scams and other numerous ways to create money out of bullshi#t as Raoul Adams is. (Just ask the Federal Apellate Court for the Southern DIstrict!)

How for example can someone in a minimum security federal prison camp in Pensacola Florida parlay a pay phone and weekly visits from his attorney into a high paying contract to provide 61,000 pounds of “Beanie Weenie” monthly to that self same facility and the other privately contracted corrections services providers in the US.

Mr. Adams knows how, and if Michael Moore plays his cards right (and ponies up some cash) he might find out as well.

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Tuesday, February 17th, 2009 News No Comments

The Ad(Non)sense © Program

CrapCo Corp Inc has done it again! Just when you thought there were enough banner ads on the internet we decided that MORE were needed. So without further fanfare we are proud to introduce Ad(Non)sense© .

It is 100% absolutely free and if you put a banner on your website or blog, we will add a link to you in the banner rotation. You can even make “Crap Cash” (not to be confused with money), so go take a look and see why 9 out if 10 people say…  ”I think you stole this idea from Google”.

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Sunday, February 15th, 2009 News, Products No Comments

CrapCo Into Drugs

In an effort to recoup huge losses over the last year suffered as a result of the economic “meltdown” (and of course our own continuing corporate malfeasance) we are branching out into drug research and marketing.

Cheer Down with Despondex!

It was pointed out to us that while there are over 16,000 anti-depressants on the market today, there were no effective depressants. While many drugs have depressant effects like alcohol, pain pills and heroin, they all have (sometimes) unwanted side effects like intoxication, overdose or waking up with someone you don’t remember ever meeting.

 Our solution is Despondex… a drug that stops irrational cheery and upbeat feelings and gives the user the depressed feelings that should accompany life as we know it today .

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Sunday, February 15th, 2009 Products No Comments

Bail Out CrapCo

So we have been watching carefully as the US Senate and the House of Representatives all bicker and argue about the exact amount of the new “bailout package” of $789 Billion (Plus or minus a few billion).

However as they nickel and dime around trying to figure out how to get their “earmarks” (PORK) added to the final draft and get their cut for their state or the lobbist who has given them the most in “campaign funds” (payolla), we are struggling here. CrapCo was unable to get at any of the frst round of bailout money as the application form was not available to everyone, just giant banks, car manufacuturer’s and other HUGE financial institutions.

Did it ever occur to anyone that it takes an enormous amount of money to pull those folks out of the financial crisis, that they in fact  caused? However it would be a matter of only a few hundred thousand dollars to Bail Out CrapCo.

I mean we have rent on an office building in the Caymens, we have a corporate junket to Cancun (ROAD TRIP!) to pay for, we need giant undeserved executive bonuses  just like the big boys. But we can get by for a LOT less! Alcohol and hookers just don’t cost THAT much!

Email your congressman or senator and tell them that you support the bailout and that you think CrapCo Corp Inc. should get their fair share.

They’ll thank you for it… trust me.

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Friday, February 13th, 2009 News No Comments

CrapCo Diversifies

At a time when shady financial practices are getting such bad press, we at CrapCo Corp Inc have decided to lay low shift focus from trading useless paper for money to trading actual products for money.

This shift began when we found out we could purchase over 1100 TONS of peanut butter at fire sale prices! Even reselling it to various institutions at half of the normal wholesale price will generate hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Now you might be thinking “wait… is that that contaminated peanut butter I have been reading about?” Well the answer is that this batch has not been proven to have any salmonella or other harmfull additives in it. And as long as we can keep the train it is on moving it will not be tested in the near future.

“But wait” you might be saying, “what if you sell it to hospitals and schools and people get sick, isn’t that bad?”.

Our response is why not sell it to hospitals and schools. Where better for someon to get sick but a hospital? And kids at school are ALWAYS coming home with something… colds, flu, headlice… ugh. At least salmonella doesn’t crawl around all over you and get in your pubes and such.

“But wait” you say in your very talkative manner “won’t this generate legal problems?” To which we reply, why have lawyers on staff if you don’t use them?.

Get in on the ground floor of this deal and let’s spread the wealth (and liability) and buy some CrapCo stock and watch it climb.

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Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 News No Comments