CrapCo Corp. Inc.

The Industry Leader in Corporate Mendacity since 1995

corporate bailout

A.I.G. issues Corporate Fraud Insurance

In an effort to prove that they are not about to roll over and play dead, an A.I.G. spokesman issued a statement yesterday to announce the release of a new type of insurance policy.

The embattled corporate giant insures everything from individual clients life and health to liability and casualty insurance for multi-million dollar movies and other high profile projects. Now they will be able to insure other corporations against the same type of corporate malfeasance that has put them in the public eye (and public gunsights) recently.

While the details of the new policy such as cost and extents of coverge have yet to be revealed it was annouced that to encourage sales in order to build up cash reserves for corporate junkets and executive pay increases, there would be huge bonuses available to the agents and brokers who sold the most policies.

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Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 News No Comments

Win BIG in the Bailout!

It should be obvious to anyone who reads the paper (remember paper?) that the US government is giving away large sums of money to any major corporation who asks. We want to know why not CrapCo!

No… that’s not it… why not the little guy… the individual citizen… each and everyone of us. Yeah… that’s it! So to that end we present the U.S Government Bailout Machine*

* Gambling on the Bailout Machine is not meant to be a substitute for actual financial planning. All payouts subject to the finanacial solvency of the U.S. Government. Void where prohibited by law.

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Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 News, Products No Comments

We’re Back and so’s AIG

The CrapCo Corporate UFOSo we rush back in the corporate UFO from the retreat in Mexico and what do we find in the financial news. It’s those MONEY GRUBING WHORES from AIG suckling at the government teat again STILL!! 30 billion dollars the government is giving them this time apparently for losing only 60 billion dollars in the last quarter.

So can somebody explain to us what the deal is? If they lost more would they have made  more? Is it better financially for them to lose a lot than make a little ? Is this still AMERICA… bastion of the free market?

 It used to be you had to do a lot of underhanded dirty work, show false profits, cook the books, lie to shareholders, hide profits off shore if you wanted to make a buck in business. At least that is the glorious tradition here at CrapCo Corp Inc.

Now apparently all you have to do is lose LARGE amounts of money and cry to Uncle Sam about it and you will get a big payday. If that’s the deal I can show the government that we here at CrapCo have been losing money for over a decade. PAY US!!!!!

If I see another story in the news about AIG (Ailing Industry Giant) losing billions of dollars and the american taxpayers being required to subsidize that stupidity I’ll… I’ll… I’ll… be mad if CrapCo can’t get a piece of the pity profits.

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Monday, March 2nd, 2009 News No Comments

What a (corporate) Pair!

In the financial news today I read that AIG was asking for more government money. This is AFTER receiving 85 billion dollars from the previous administration. Since that original influx of capital in September their stock has fallen from over $20 a share to just over FIFTY CENTS a share!

Imagine what they could accomplish with ANOTHER 85 billion or so. I am amazed at these folks. “More balls than a cat burgler” is the phrase that comes to mind when I think about the chutzpah, the cajones, the brass pelotas on these guys who will make such a request just to get another paycheck for a few weeks. Of course some of those executive paychecks are pretty large but then so are the stones on these guys apparently.

I have to admire the audacity, or is it mendacity? In any event there will be a place for a couple of these financial freeloaders on the CrapCo Board if they can pull off this scam deal.

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Monday, February 23rd, 2009 News No Comments

Bail Out CrapCo

So we have been watching carefully as the US Senate and the House of Representatives all bicker and argue about the exact amount of the new “bailout package” of $789 Billion (Plus or minus a few billion).

However as they nickel and dime around trying to figure out how to get their “earmarks” (PORK) added to the final draft and get their cut for their state or the lobbist who has given them the most in “campaign funds” (payolla), we are struggling here. CrapCo was unable to get at any of the frst round of bailout money as the application form was not available to everyone, just giant banks, car manufacuturer’s and other HUGE financial institutions.

Did it ever occur to anyone that it takes an enormous amount of money to pull those folks out of the financial crisis, that they in fact  caused? However it would be a matter of only a few hundred thousand dollars to Bail Out CrapCo.

I mean we have rent on an office building in the Caymens, we have a corporate junket to Cancun (ROAD TRIP!) to pay for, we need giant undeserved executive bonuses  just like the big boys. But we can get by for a LOT less! Alcohol and hookers just don’t cost THAT much!

Email your congressman or senator and tell them that you support the bailout and that you think CrapCo Corp Inc. should get their fair share.

They’ll thank you for it… trust me.

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Friday, February 13th, 2009 News No Comments