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In an uprecedented move the largest bank in Switzerland, UBS, has agreed to turn over the names of some of it’s depositiors who are accused of hiding money to avoid paying US taxes on it.
While being hailed by many as one way to find all the money that was lost in the recent economic catastrophe, we at CrapCo were shocked when we read the news. What the Swiss are planning to do is positively unamerican. Disclosing the names of depositiors, putting the rich at risk of legal action, telling the truth… these are all dangerous precedents to set!
Of course in their defense they only agreed to do it under duress as the US Government has pressured them into admitting that theyÂ conspired to defraud the Internal Revenue ServiceÂ AND hasÂ forced them to agree Â to pay $780 million to settle a sweeping federal investigation into their activities.
That process, ratting out a co-conspiritor to avoid harsher punishment is VERY American and we can understand that tactic. However it is supposed to be reserved for your basic low life criminals, not successful American businessmen who simply are trying to avoid paying taxes.
At CrapCo we would never advocate or attempt to avoid paying any corporate taxes or individual income taxes (again), but we can indeed understand why others would. I mean what is the point of swindling millions of home owners out of their houses and milions of working class investors out of their life savings and creating a catastrophic downturn in the world financial markets if you have to payÂ taxes on it to help finance the bailout?
In closing let me assure all CrapCo investors that there is no risk of any criminal activity or income tax fraud being discovered in OUR corporate accounts. We bank in the Caymen Islands, not Switzerland.
In an effort to recoup huge losses over the last year suffered as a result of the economic “meltdown” (and of course our own continuing corporate malfeasance) we are branching out into drug research and marketing.
It was pointed out to us that while there are over 16,000 anti-depressants on the market today, there were no effective depressants. While many drugs have depressant effects like alcohol, pain pills and heroin, they all have (sometimes) unwanted side effects like intoxication, overdose or waking up with someone you don’t remember ever meeting.
Our solution is Despondex… a drug that stops irrational cheery and upbeat feelings and gives the user the depressed feelings that should accompany life as we know it today .