CrapCo Corp. Inc.

Cheapest Tablet Device in the WORLD!

You heard about the closeout HP tablets for $99 that were around (for a New York minute) last fall. You saw the prices drop for 7 inch and 10 inch off brands over the holidays. Now directly to you, without the commissions to some greedy middleman we present the guaranteed cheapest table in the world. Only $19.99 US. (about 3 Euros??)

The CrapTab ©

The tablet with the amazing 11 1/2 in work surface!

CrapCo Tax Strategies

Through the years we have found a variety of ways to lower our tax bills, in some cases all the way down to ZERO dollars! With April 15th rapidly approaching we thought we would share some of our patented tax strategies with you. A few are listed below with the complete list at the bottom of the page.

1. Tax Shelters

You can invest your income in a business (like CrapCo) that operates at a loss, at least on paper.

2. Zero Wages

A common way tax creative citizens try to avoid paying taxes is by using IRS Form 4852 Substitute Form W-2) or a “corrected” Form 1099 to reduce their taxable income to zero. Some taxpayers will even put a note on the form arguing the definition of wages, or a plausible story of a company that refuses to issue a corrected form. Some creative folks have completed the regular 1040 A form upside down using a childlike scrawl and in crayon. This seems to confuse them. If they come to audit tell them it’s the last time you will let the 4 year old do the taxes.

3. Hiding Income Offshore

Much like the Swiss bank accounts you see in movies like “Bourne Identity,” there are (usually very wealthy) people who hide large amounts of money in accounts overseas. Although the hope is always that the IRS will not see it, they usually do. Since September 11^th, the federal government has had the power to monitor foreign bank accounts as well as those in the country. We’d suggest putting it in a bank that is not so cozy with the government, like ours. 

4. Charities  and Donor benefits

 Donor-advised funds were created so that a person could make a large donation at one time and take a deduction from that year’s tax return, but the donation itself would be distributed over time to various charities. This is rarely done right, and many IRS audits get mailed out when these types of scams go down. Contribute to a fund you can trust, like the CrapCo Coprporate Hooker Reclaimation Program. We distribute funds in small amounts (usually 20-50 dollars) to young women of loose morals in order to improve their quality of life. Don’t thank us… it’s our pleasure. 

 7. ”Virtual” Corporations

Founding an online virtual corporation is a great way to disguise your financial activity. Unfortunately, it is also a great way to end up owing the IRS thousands of dollars or going to jail. I personally listened to some bad advice and made this mistake but all those months in federal prison gave me time to learn from my mistakes. Order my new book “Getting Rich not paying taxes” or it’s sequel “Learning to needlepoint in prison”

8. Unconstitutional Taxes

Who has not heard this one before? Hundreds of Americans resist paying taxes claiming that taxation is somehow unconstitutional. This should work. How can hundreds of people be worng?.  

9. Home Business Shelter

Do you have kids. You have a childcare business. Change your own oil? You’re a mechanic and your driveway is a auto shop. Get the picture?

10. Trusts

Although some scammers will tell you that you can lower your tax liability by transferring funds into trusts, this is not always the case. Not all trusts provide tax benefits, and as with all major financial decisions it is always a good idea to speak with a professional before doing anything rash. We are professionals. Contact us for advice. You can trust us!

You can read the complete list of tax strategies here.

Paying Taxes… or not

I couldn’t believe it when I saw this article at Bloomberg Businessweek. It has all the tricks we ultra rich CEO’s use to avoid paying estate taxes and capital gains tax. As I’m sure your aware these are the two most hated of all the various taxes, tarrifs and levies the federal government imposes on us hard working millionaires. As I noted previously it’s hard to get by these days on just a million or two and it doesn’t add up as fast if the govenment takes it’s share. 

I was incensed when I saw they released all of our “tricks of the trade”, the loopholes and legal gymnastics we can use to hang on to more of our money longer. Strategies like the “No Sale Sale”, and the the “Estate Tax Eliminator” that the president’s new buddy Jeff Immelt the CEO of GE uses to sheild some of his bundle, are supposed to be our little secret. Now the governement knows all the tricks we use and the congress might investigate and implement some type of tax reforms that close all of these loopholes. Oh damn… I fogot! Over half of the members of congress are millionaires too and lots of their money and power comes from lobbists who work for corporations using the tax loopholes as well.  

The poor naive masses talk about fairness and flat taxes but probably don’t even know that the US Patent Office began issuing patent protection on “tax strategies” in 2006. One US department helping the rich fight another.

Is this a great country or what.

Tough Times for the Millionaires

Don’t feel alone if you are struggling to make ends meet in this sluggish economy. Just as you are wondering about how you are going to pay the rent or afford school clothes for your kids, the nation’s millionaires are having a tough time scaring up change for their round the world cruise or having to forgo the new paint for the yacht this year. We are all suffering.

The article at Bloomberg describes the struggle it can be for one of the 5.5 million households in the US trying to eek by on only $1,000,000 a year, but there is only so much money to go around. While the article says that 5% of the US population actually controls over half of the country’s 56 trillion dollars in wealth, they don’t mention that just 400 families in the country control most of that. The poor millionaires and multimillionaires just have to limp along in last years Bentley or Rolls and only eat their imported Beluga caviar once a day!

So when you are standing in the line at the food stamp office, reading in the paper that the Republican congress is working on your behalf to stop inflation by cutting entitlement programs (like food stamps) just realize that half of those folks are poor millionaires struggling to make ends meet, just like you.

Tags: money

More Jobs is the answer

Just as the Labor Department is about to release the March employment report I read an article saying that most of the news jobs that have been created do not pay enough to actually support the workers.

The study, commissioned by Wider Opportunities for Women, a non-profit group, says that a single person needs to be making $14 an hour to effectively make ends meet in our society. That is almost twice the rate that the federal government in it’s wisdom has designated as the minimum wage.

How can a person survive and even thrive in such an environment? How can you make it when you are earning only half of what you need. It’s simple.

MORE JOBS!

That’s right just do the math. If you are making $7.25 per hour at a job and just get a second job that pays the same you will be making over the fourteen dollars an hour required. Not only enough to thrive on but you can even have a few extra dollars for those luxuries like a monthly movie night or some meat in your diet.

This is how the happy workers at CrapCo do it. Many work more than one job and not only do they make more but they have much less free time to spend it. Of course in the developing nations where we have generously built many of our manufacturing facilities the minimum wage is… more minimum… but then so is the cost of life, er living.