CrapCo Corp. Inc.

Legal Department

The legal issues that arise in a large corporation are many and varied. CrapCo relies on the expert legal advice of the law firm of Soom & Scrume. When we are served with one of our weekly class action suits or other unfounded criminal or civil charges are leveled against us they are always right there looking for loopholes (and any “dirt” they can use on the complaintants or opposing counsel). For many years we were represented by the noted attorneys Lye, Fallbak & Pundt but we were advised to retain other counsel after some federal “conflict of interest” charges surfaced against them.

In any event, our new attorneys have an excellent track record in shielding us from the grasping clutches of the federal corporate tax vultures and the glory hungry US Attorney’s Office. they have the exuberance and energy of youth which is a definite requirement given the number of suits filed against us on a regular basis.

Not only are they effective legal eagles but they are also kind and caring men as well. Irv Soom the senior partner of Soom & Scrume is shown in this picture with a briefcase full of money ready to make a substantial loan to a needy friend. (The fact that his friend was the jury foreman on one of their cases was simply a coincidence and no “collusion” or “malfesance” or “jury tampering” has been proven to date.)

 These federal investigators are very quick to bring charges but seem to be happy to drag their feet when it comes time to prove their allegations in court. Is it any wonder we feel the need to have the best legal representation money can buy.

However it is not just the senior partners we count on. Because of the competitive and contentious nature of American business quite often the legal system is used by manpulative and unscrupulous companies to gain an edge over their rivals. Because of the educated and energetic young attorneys on the CrapCo legal team, no one does it better than we do.

Shown here at a “team building” training facility in the the wilds of Montana, the boys pose with pride after they have finished the graduation exercise of tracking and running down a black bear and killing it with rocks and sharp sticks.

Nothing spells success in Corporate America like blood thirsty lawyers. Is it any wonder that CrapCo is so successful ?